Maven's Guide to Living Guilt and Child-free.

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An Open Letter to my Female Friends.

I don’t know about you guys, but I know that I hardly ever feel awesome about myself. It is a brisk day in Hell when I can look in a mirror without a sadface. So what I am about to tell you will sound a lot like hypocrisy, but please, bear with me.


I know it’s really easy to try dieting. It’s really easy to think, “Being pretty is as easy as basic math!” and start counting calories, or eating nothing but bananas, or cutting everything that tastes good out of your diet. But here’s the thing. I’ve tried that, and it doesn’t actually work. Because:


1. It’s not sustainable. Eventually, your biology will backfire (as it does every month) and you’ll find yourself with a craving for something other than granola. Or you’ll just end up severely malnourished because you’ve been eating nothing but bananas for months on end.


2. Nutrition facts aren’t that accurate anyway. I mean, what the hell is “spices”?! Food companies sneak shit into food all the time. “All-Natural”, “Organic”, “Real”, it’s all meaningless.


And finally…


3. There is NOTHING wrong with you. I know you hear this all the time, and you never believe it, because it’s drilled into us, all the time, by “unbiased” sources (TV, Magazines) that thin = hot.


Guess what. It doesn’t. Television is lying to you. Magazines, Fashion Models, The Media is lying to you. You don’t need shinier hair, perfect teeth, and a metric shit-ton of eye shadow and airbrush to be beautiful. You already are.


Sexy isn’t a number, or a diet plan. It’s an attitude. I can’t tell you what exactly, but I can tell you what it isn’t: Sexy isn’t “Does this make me look fat?”


Sexy isn’t starving yourself. Sexy isn’t exercising until you feel sick. Sexy isn’t throwing up after every meal, and Sexy isn’t trying to be something you’re not.


Sexy is loving yourself, fat-rolls and all. And you know what? I find that when I truly, absolutely, love myself (fat-rolls and all) I treat myself better. And I don’t mean I stop biting my nails so much, and tugging at my fleshy parts in disgust. I mean that I eat less, and more importantly I eat healthier. I’m more prone to exercise. I give myself permission to laugh more, I have a lot more fun. I’m generally healthier, inside and out. I wake up earlier, I go to sleep earlier, I smile in the mirror, and Satan freezes his ass off. And I don’t need to force myself to break a sweat to do it.


Sexy, and being healthy, is ALL about LOVING yourself. And if you don’t believe me, then I have two words for you: Beth Ditto.


I’m tired. I’m tired of forcing myself to live a lifestyle I don’t enjoy. I’m tired of eating tasteless “health foods” and things that are hard to chew because “This is supposed to be healthy, right? I think?” I’m tired of closing my eyes and wishing away my fleshy parts. I’m tired of my friends telling me, “you shouldn’t eat that, you’ll get fat” I’m tired of looking in the mirror in disgust.


So I’ve decided not to. And you should, too.